Follow CTU agent Ray Lyman as he pursues evil terrorists between appearances in front of city council.
"I'm federal agent Ray Lyman, and 'dis is gonne' be da' is the longest day of my life."
CSI Scranton
Forensic expert Jim Davis tracks down racist members of the ICN based on a hunch and no evidence.
"A Harvard professor conducted an experiment. Asked a bunch of students to watch a basketball game - count the number of times the ball was passed. During the game a person dressed in a gorilla suit ran across the court. Afterward, the professor asked the students if they noticed the gorilla. Fifty percent responded, "what gorilla? Typical ICN scum...I'll bet the guy in the gorilla suit wasn't white...they only let the black man have the crappy jobs. The Irish guys get to coach the team "
Deal or no deal
Bald host Joe Pilchesky offers local politicians a chance to take his best offer or he'll sue them. No one ever wins, especially Joe. Weekly contestant Judy Gatelli foils Joe every time by choosing "no deal."
"Mrs. Gatelli, for the six hundredth time, deal, or no deal. The banker called and this is a huge offer."
Cheers
Join dread locked bartender Sam Patilla for a daily rant against the man. The weekly cast of characters includes Fay, a crotchety old windbag that's a bit tough on the eyes; Jimbu, angry and stuck in the 80's, the hair-band loving out-of-town resident loves to weigh in on issues that don't affect him; Janet, with a voice like finger nails on a chalk board, this know-it-all rambles on endlessly about absolutely nothing; Nancy, a bitter and misguided squirrelly little thing that got stuck on a hair dew in the early 80's and never looked back.
(sung) Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name, (because they make you say it before you speak) and they're always glad you came. ( well, only Janet is really glad you came) You wanna be where you can see, (Where you can "be see" is more like it) our troubles are all the same (the same as the other 10 of you, the rest of the city appears to be quite content) You wanna be where everybody knows Your name. (Even if we didn't want to know your name we'd have to learn it sooner or later - you're the same 10 people who speak each week)
I want everyone to stop and think about one thing ... Joe Pilchesky is not a lawyer ... he's just a guy playing a lawyer on the internet. Please don't trust your legal needs to this man.
My thinking tends to lean toward "Mr. Ed" and "My Favorite Martian" where those losers are concerned.
I almost thought of them as the Brady Bunch, with the smiling missus up on top, baldy Joe scowling on the bottom with Janet in the middle cleaning up after all of them. You pick the whiney little kids....
